Book Review: A Conversation with Nicole Onesti on Common Sense Culture
Workplace culture is more than a mission statement or a handbook, it’s the way people are treated every single day. In her new book, Common Sense Culture, Women of Flexo alumni Nicole Onesti argues that culture isn’t built on flashy perks or policies, it’s built on trust, respect, and the way leaders show up in everyday interactions.
We sat down with Nicole to discuss her book, her inspiration, and what she hopes leaders will take away.
Q: What inspired you to write Common Sense Culture?
Onesti: Over the course of my career, I’ve experienced both ends of the spectrum: companies that put culture front and center and made it part of everything they did, and companies where culture was toxic and damaging. Being in a negative culture can shrink you. It makes you question your worth, and it drains your energy.
Because I worked in marketing and communications, I often had a front-row seat to how culture was created, promoted, and experienced. Over time I found myself having the same conversations over and over: that culture really comes down to common sense things like treating people with respect, recognizing their contributions, and trusting them to do their jobs. One day it clicked that I needed to write this down. The book became a way to capture those lessons, stories, and conversations I’ve had along the way.
Q: In your book, you talk about the difference between surviving and thriving at work. How do you define that difference?
Onesti: When employees are just surviving, they’re walking on eggshells. They don’t feel safe sharing their opinions. They’re worried about making mistakes. It’s an environment of fear.
Thriving looks completely different. In a thriving culture, people feel valued and respected. They know their voices matter, even if every suggestion doesn’t turn into change. Employees want to feel heard, they want their opinions acknowledged, and they want to know that their contributions matter. Thriving is when people are confident enough to bring their full selves to work because they feel safe and supported.
Q: One of the standout lines in your book is: “Culture isn’t shaped by your PTO policy—it’s shaped by how you treat someone the day after they’ve given 110%.” What do you mean by that?
Onesti: This came from a personal experience, that I further expand on in the book, where I had been traveling for work and pulling a lot of overtime and late hours. When I returned, I decided to work from home to recharge and had a very negative interaction with a manager because of it. Policies are important, but they don’t define culture. Culture is revealed in the small, everyday moments. If someone just worked a 70-hour week or traveled across the country for work, what matters is how they’re treated when they come back. Are they trusted to work from home to recharge? Are they given the flexibility to balance family needs? Or are they expected to be back in the office at 8 a.m. sharp as if nothing happened?
To me, that’s the essence of culture. Do you treat people like responsible adults? Do you show them that you value their effort? Flexibility and trust mean so much more than the policy written in the handbook.
Q: Trust seems to be a recurring theme throughout your book. How central is it to building culture?
Onesti: Trust is everything. One company I worked for really embodied this with a philosophy they called “responsible freedom.” Employees had the freedom to manage their time, make judgment calls, and take care of what they needed to as long as they acted responsibly and could back up their decisions. That kind of trust created accountability and confidence.
The opposite is also true. I’ve seen companies where every decision required approval, where leaders micromanaged every detail. That kind of environment is stifling. It undermines employees and erodes motivation. When you hire someone, you should be hiring them because you trust them to do the job. Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy workplace.
Q: For leaders who feel their culture is stuck in survival mode, where should they begin?
Onesti: Start with a conversation. Ask your employees how they’re doing, what they need, what’s working, and what isn’t. Leaders often assume they know, but sometimes the reality looks very different from what we think.
And it doesn’t always take massive change. If someone says they don’t feel recognized, that’s something you can address right away by being more intentional about showing appreciation. Ask about their weekends. Check in when something big is happening in their lives. It’s the human gestures, caring about your people as people, that move culture forward.
We can’t expect people to separate who they are at home from who they are at work. Employees are parents, partners, friends, daughters, and sons. They carry those responsibilities and identities with them.
When leaders forget that, people start to feel like cogs in a machine. But when leaders acknowledge the whole person, it changes how employees feel about their work. I often think about how I want my daughters to feel when they go into the workforce, that’s the mindset I bring when I manage people. How do I want them treated? That’s the lens leaders should use.
Q: One of your other memorable lines is: “People aren’t resistant to change—they’re resistant to being blindsided.” Can you explain what you mean by that?
Onesti: I don’t love change myself. But if you give me time to understand it, explain the “why,” and let me process it, I can get on board. Most employees are the same.
Where leaders get it wrong is when they spring major reorganizations or new policies without any explanation or lead-in. That creates fear and mistrust. People aren’t resisting the change itself, they’re resisting the way it’s delivered. Leaders need to remember that communication and transparency are just as important as the change itself.
Q: If you had to sum up the heart of your book in five words or less, what would they be?
Onesti: Make work suck a-little less.
